; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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