I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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