I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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