i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
