i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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