i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
