Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
