Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
