Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
