Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
