Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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