Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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