How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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