well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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