I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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