I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
