hotel room ftw
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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