Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I need moral support for this bender
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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