Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
