I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
