i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
