My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
