i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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