I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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