Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
