Just fell off a train. Bad.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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