While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
