I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
