I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
