He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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