It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
