Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
