another moral hangover. fuck.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
