oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
