piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
