she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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