just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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