Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
