we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
