Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
