i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
FUCK WHALES
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