I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
