I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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