I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
