I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
