Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
They took my balls.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
