I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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