my vag is so smooth its legendary
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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