I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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