yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
