awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
