R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
