what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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