Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
