At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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