i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
