just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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