make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
