Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
