You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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