She's JV to your varsity
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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