Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
