This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Everyone says I win the strip club
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
