are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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