drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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