I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
