youre lurking in front of me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
