Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(507): View more from Minnesota

So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?

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(937): View more from Ohio

She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?

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(541): View more from Oregon

So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."

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(904): View more from Florida

Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine

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(303): View more from Colorado

It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...

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