Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
