and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
